Through the Eye of My Past

Through the Eye of My Past

Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Dimension: 191cm x 137cm
Year: 2013
In Collection of Tan Sri Zain Azahari

It was your frown that
reminded me of my uncles

…my father’s friends
…and the people I grew up with
in a little Indian settlement
…the home of my kind

I have many a times looked
Within the eyes of the old 
And the ones preparing to leave 

looking for that face that spoke of my kind…

From the guard who sat in sleep
Guarding the night in my apartment
…to the old Indian man who sold Chinese cakes near 7eleven

I have always been looking for my kind…

50 years passed by and when I was about to erase
the little traces of the dream that seem to have no face…

you appeared…yes precisely that…you appeared

I still think the dog that grazed me just a few minutes before I met you
must surely have known you…
for both of you seem to have the same strange look
…like two souls that are on the same journey

…only to be on the opposite side of the road

…I am sure you knew each other…

for I was so sure when I was painting you, you had given a space 
…for another to share the canvas…I was so sure 

and as I sat with an artist friend who only knew me well
…the dog appeared first in my mind and then in hers
…or was it in her that I saw within me…I am not sure

but I knew for sure…it was the two of you…
who have come visiting my canvas
to fulfil my years of yearning to find my kind…

though you are no more within us…
I see through your eyes my past
…all the misery that I have tried to erase in the beginning…
only to realize them to be the very pillar of my glory…

…and today seeing you going across the sea 
into a strange land of the white snow…
I am proud…for I know now…
I am but nothing without you…my kind…


Posted on

October 30, 2018

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